“You know sometimes we ummm, we don’t recognize our dreams inside…our reality and uh other times we’re not aware of exactly what’s real …”-from “Sunshine” by Floetry July 31, 2007

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”Best Friend”-Tweet f/ Bilal**

 

Part 1…Cute….

 

I despise the word “cute.” Straight up leaves this itchy and dry feeling in the crack of my arse. Add that to the fact that I feel like hot garbage right now…and you get a not lovin it’ SueZette.

Cute needs to be reserved for descibing toddlers, cartoon characters, elves, etc., and not used to describe grown ass women paying very real ass bills. Ya dig?

 

I cringe when people refer to me as cute…and I have to remember in some realm far away from my own its meant to be a compliment. Instead of a biting response…I usually muster a smirkish-smile and say…”Thanks”…all the while thinking…kiss my cute…

 

Which is why it perplexed me last Monday when a gentleman that was holding doors for me..while I lugged my suitcase to my office in preparation for my trip to New York stopped me on my way out of the elevator to tell me that I had cute toes…and all I did was pause…grin…and say thank you. Why didn’t the “cute compliment” sound like a witch scratching the hell out of a chalkboard???

 

It might have had something to do with the fact that I was amazed that he’d taken the time during the 5 minute trek from the parking deck to the elevator to get from the top of my kinky curly head to my bright pink toes peeking out of my cream colored sandals.

The whole encounter was a little weird actually. I mean only I would pack a 41.5 lbs suitcase for a two day trip to NYC…forgetting I was going to have to lug it to work since I was taking MARTA to the airport. As I hopped out of the elevator…verbally lashing myself for overpacking…I looked up to find this tall..attractive man…holding the door open for me.

Honestly, I wasn’t paying attention to him…I was too excited by the fact that I didn’t have to juggle my bags and the door. I didn’t even notice as he rushed around me to open the second set of doors, still caught up in thinking about what the hell I packed.

 

I got a good look at him after I heard a voice behind me say…”I’m not following you…I work in the building too.” I finally looked up at him and said with a smile…I didn’t think that. I was just wondering why there weren’t more automatic door openers so you wouldn’t have to do all of this door opening for me. I took him all in…noticing his height…nice posture..and handsome face…

Over 6′3” check…pretty smile check…hmmm…

 

I thought we’d parted ways as he stopped to dap up the guard and I made my way with all of my crap to the elevator; when he quickly rejoined me at the elevator and pushed the up button before I had a second to think about it.

I only had one floor to go, and as I exited his world stage left…he said, “You’ve got some cute toes…”

Maybe I’ll run into him again…

 

THANK GOODNESS FOR GREAT PEDIS…LMAO

 

“I don’t wanna know what’s under your disguise…And I don’t need to see what’s on the inside…Let me enjoy this cause it was all just a beautiful lie…”-from “Beautiful Lie” by Esthero July 23, 2007

**Now playing in  my atmosphere…”Now You’re Gone”-Floetry**

 

Part 1…Vain Moment…

I like this picture of myself…

Thank you for indulging me in my vain moment…I’m in love with my eyebrows…I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog entry…LMAO…

 

Part 2…Love-n-Marriage…

 

So I found out that a good friend of mine just got engaged and I am so excited for her….man…I can’t believe I’m starting to book my weddings for 2008 already.  I think this makes 4.  Wow.

I guess this is the age that people decide to have and to hold until death do they part. 

Hmmm…not to say that I am not interested in a wedding….it’s the married part I can’t quite grasp.  Considering the one person that I’ve ever thought seriously about spending eternity with has banished me to emotional girlfriendom…I don’t know where I stand on that issue.

 

But the wedding…yo…the wedding is the part I can’t wait for.  Talk about party with a purpose…I’m Jamaican…and if you’ve been to a Caribbean wedding…you know…it’s a bashment fi true!  Yeah…yeah…yeah….I know what I want my colors to be…Eggplant (I’m changing the name to Her Majesty…since it looks a lot classier on the program than Eggplant), Ivory, and Champagne. I know my mother’s giving me away. I want my own best man (Xavier).   I know I’m having one matron of honor (Kimberlee) and two maids of honors (Meca & Diana).  I know I’m having 10-12 bridesmaids.  I know I’m having 2 junior bridesmaids.  I know I”m having 2 flowergirls. 

What I don’t know is…WHO DA HUSBAND? LMAO.

 

Last weekend my mother and I…for some odd reason had this entire conversation about me getting married.  I admitted that in some past, present, or future life…I thought Number One was meant to be my husband.  She said if he wasn’t just make sure that my husband was from the Line of David. 

Homegirl rendered me speechless.  The Line of David?  Now ain’t that some deep ish to say.  Xavier was like..what can you say after somebody tells you that…

Exactly.

 

Part 3…Zette On The Net…

Check out my girl Ms. Tee’s new e-zine Share My Dreams…featuring your’s truly….

http://www.te-erika.com/2007/07/free-your-mind-living-in-big-girls.html

“I wish I wasn’t me…sometimes….”-from “Sometimes” by Bilal July 20, 2007

**Now playing in my atmosphere….”Beautiful Girls”-Sean Kingston**

 

Part 1…Me Me Me Me…

 

So Ms. Tee as tagged me and since I’ve been working a minimum of 10 hours a day this week…I’ve decided to give myself a minature mental break…lol…

Here are the ’structions….Instead of words, let’s do a scavenger hunt! You can find pictures, links, videos or music codes or graphics but NO WORDS to respond to the following questions…here we go…

 

What hairstyle do you wish you could have again?

 

What popular musical artist do you remind yourself of?

 

Which old school R&B song makes your heart warm?

 

Which childhood movie did you watch over and over again?

 

Which character on Girlfriends were you most like?

 

 

Which flavor icecream and toppings do you want on your icecream cone?

 

 

Which music video do you most like to dance to?

Which television character most resembles the man of your dreams?

 

Which bloggers would you like to see complete this scavenger hunt?

 

 

“Hell yea I’m a good catch…lol…But I’d at least like to have some control of whose arms I fall in to…”-SueZette, April 2, 2004 July 15, 2007

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”Nothing Like Your Touch”-Vikter Duplaix**

 

Part 1…Bras and Drawas…

I feel like boobookitty…pure d shit! Booo hoo hooo…I’m sick.  Needless to say my Saturday has been very quiet…not necessarily by choice. 

If you could see me now…you’d be looking at a borderline hot mess..a mushed multi-colored afro…linty black t-shirt hiding a cheetah colored bra and some white drawas…sitting on the portion of my couch not covered with clothing…semi-indian style….reading my old blog and mining for new music on iTunes.  Ok did I say borderline…lets try…certified hot mess.  My mother would be embarrassed to know that I just shared that with yall.

 

Ah well…speaking of my mother…she has decided that I get my reclusive…moody ways from her.  I guess I can live with that…I don’t look like her, but damnit…at least I can kinda sorta act like her…lol.  She laughed when I said that. 

 

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”Lonely, Lonely”-Feist**

 

So did I mention I’ve been roaming around my old blog.  I kinda miss her…we had some good times….I’m glad I didn’t delete her…so many memories in one place…man.  It’s interesting to see how I’ve changed…my thoughts….my feelings.  It’s also funny seeing the things that haven’t…check this snippet from February 2004 out….

Anyway…Sunday was special
I spent over 4 hours on the phone with a special person
And I’m like this…
Damn this isn’t the place to talk about it
The point is…
Dreads, Mr. Morning, The Latin Connection, and Drumline…they are all passing crazes
But the depth of feeling that I felt after that convo….
I’m like yo…
It just sent a shiver down my spine
I don’t think anyone realizes how serious it is
A 3 year old shiver that hibernates and wakes back up when I can bear to feel it
A shiver that hasn’t left me
May never leave me
This is kinda juvenile
I want to send him a yes, no, maybe so note and pre-check that shit
I would give him my heart on a platter
No questions asked
My one request is that he treats it with the same tenderness that he treats the world
He knows my name but not my intention
Or maybe he does
Oblivion is such a cloudy place to live in
Maybe I’ll regret posting this when I’m done
And I’ll come back and edit it
Take some out…leave some in
I’m too old for a crush
Childlike emotion
Reserved for a movie star
or Reggie Goodwin…the boy who said I’d been his girlfriend since the 3rd grade but didn’t have the courage to tell me until the 5th
I’d rather have him as friend that not to have him at all….HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY…EVERYDAY IS THE 14th

 

See what I’m saying…lol.  Same script…same cast…

This random entry is dedicated to quotes that I love from entries past…..won’t you join me on my journey down memory lane…

 

August 25, 2004:

“There is something magnificent about freedom.

Once you emancipate your mind from the shackles that others create for you

Creating your own memories…living your own dreams…

Just being

Can be such a beautiful thing

From this last year

I have learned so much about myself

So much about other people…” 

Also from August 25, 2004 :

“Anyway…

I don’t like rejection

In the same way I don’t like commitment

Soooooo

If he doesn’t like me…rejection

If we hit it off romantically…commitment

Do we see the double-edge sword swinging…”

 

September 4, 2004:

“I’m a poetress….

Yep…

A sista that fornicates with words in order to birth ideas…knowledge…and maybe even life”

November 26, 2003:

“I’ve had a song in my head for awhile today…

I always have music in my head

Music brings me peace

When the rest of the world is loud and chaotic

I put on some music to soothe my soul…”

 

I’ll have to do this again real soon….

“But theres something that gets under my skin….And all I know is I cant let go….And that’s the way it is…”-from “Missing You” by Mary J. Blige July 12, 2007

Now playing in my atmosphere…”I Never Dreamed You’d Leave In Summer”-Stevie Wonder

 

Part 1…Back Havin…

 

I believe one of the most important rules of friendship…especially during adulthood…is not giving your friends one sided accounts of your relationhships….specifically the BAD accounts.

 

You see the funny thing is…we remember the bad a lot more readily than we can point out the good. Call it human nature or whatever you life, but its a fact. So it shouldn’t be surprising that your girls aren’t gonna be so quick to forget when that mofo did you wrong….had you up all night…wailing about how he and all men are dawgs and that you don’t ever want to see him again.

Can you really expect your friends to doing toe touches when two weeks later…you’re back with him talking ’bout how happy you are with him and that your love is stronger than ever? Naw babygirl…cuz see…friends…friends don’t forget.

 

You see me…I’m upfront with my friends…I don’t give advice and I don’t like being in your romantic relationships….soooo…don’t ask me advice about you romantic relationships. From time to time…I’ll share this tidbit of information with their significant others, If she comes back to you with some off the wall concept about what yall should or should not be doing in your relationship…she didn’t get that shit for me…cuz I simply don’t give a damn about what’s going on in your situation.

Heartless…slightly…

Real…very.

 

Shit…I’m not the one that has to look at that fucker and decide if he’s lifemate material.

I mean on the few occasions that I have gotten involved in my friends romantic situations…it hasn’t gone very well and I remove myself immediately…or as soon as possible….because like I said….I don’t have to decide if that fucker is lifemate material.

 

Ok…that and I have a 6′1” complex. Which means…I’m not afraid to step to a dude…especially when I think he’s out of line. Vicious…yo…that side of my personality is not to be ramped with. My philosophy…take a broad on that’s your size…

 

Recently, I found myself in a situation where I saw a strong black woman…become a fragile…broken person over the loss of her signficant other. In the name of sisterhood and the fact that I love her inside-out…I bore that pain with her…only to have my girl end up back with that piece of manure.

 

Now…she knows clearly..how I feel about him…not only because I haven’t bitten my tongue about it, but also because my face does this snarled…stank look when he’s in my presence. However, I recognize that’s she a grown woman…clearly living her own life…so out of respect for her…when she brought him to dinner the other night…I didn’t give his ass the two piece to the jaw that my inner Tampa was chanting in my ear that I should do. Instead, I insisted that he take his ass to the bar since our table was for 5 and him and his friend would make 7.

 

He clearly knows that I don’t like his ass either, but he said her friends have to learn that he’s changed. Quite frankly, fucker…you ain’t got to prove it to me. You just handle your business…cuz…I still owe you two licks. 50 feet should be the minimum amount of distance that he should keep himself away from me….lol.

Friends don’t forget your tears or your pain…friends also don’t punish you for the decisions you make. They love you unconditionally…and mumble nasty things under their breath when that mofo’s in the area…lol.

 

“Love is not loud…”-From “Tell Him” by Lauryn Hill July 9, 2007

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”Bed”-J. Holiday**

 

Part 1…All Types of Fuckery…

Howdy!!

What a pleasantly quiet weekend this has been after such a hectic week.  **Sigh** I needed peace and quiet and that’s just what I got…peace…quiet…quiet….peace. 

 

Instead of allowing myself to do too much thinking…I did what anybody in my position would do…I made it a Blockbuster weekend.  I love the whole buy previously viewed movies thing.  I got Shadowboxer, Idlewild, Blood Diamonds, Stomp the Yard, and G.  **Sigh** Yes, indeed.

 

Last weekend…wasn’t so peaceful.

 

Between Country Boy and Number One…I’m totally in need of a testosterone break.  A straight up boycott.  It occured to me earlier that I give both of these fuckers a little too much air time in this blog…I might have to change that.

Country Boy asked me why I was so tough…

Because when I’m not…you think you can walk all over me…

Meanwhile back on the ranch…I really should have been having the same damn talk with Number One, because now that he’s back in my good favor…homeboy is tryna tap dance on my damn patience….

 

Someone once asked me…if I was really into Number One and attempting to create a future with him…why I would still be involved with other people….the answer is simple….WHY THE HELL WOULD I COMMIT MYSELF TO SOMEONE THAT ISN’T COMMITTED TO ME.  Silly heffa was so 2006.  I’ll leave the whole imaginary boyfriend thing to them.  This chick right here has no time for the fuckery.

 

Why are you so tough?

Because when I get phone calls on June 30th from Number One saying that he’ll be too busy to talk to me in July, but that he’ll holla at me in August…maybe August 6th or 8th…

I feel like you think you can feed me some bull and think I’mma take it. 

 

 Maybe he thought I’d be sad…upset…hurt….

I don’t think he was prepared when I replied, Bet…but let’s not set a date…I don’t want to make any definitive plans.

Was I hurt…hell yeah…was I mad…oh hell yeah…was I going to give him the benefit of knowing that…hell no. Apparently he forgot….I was the person that had no problem taking a break from him.

But again…he had the perfect ass timing thing that I’m slowly begining to despise.  Just as I hit publish on last Sunday’s post…he called and said, “Can you believe how quickly August came….”  Translation: That bull I shot you yesterday was wrong…and I know exactly who I’m dealing with…

 

I had dinner with my homeboy last week and he presented me with an interesing concept…he says I’ve become Number One’s emotional girlfriend.

His emotional girlfriend? He defined it for me….she’s a chick you’re not in a relationship with (and may never be)…but you share a deep and emotional connection with. She completes you in a way no other woman can,  BUT you’re just not with her. He said its how attached men end up in emotional affairs with women.

 

I DON’T WANT TO BE ANYBODY’S EMOTIONAL GIRLFRIEND!

 

Why are you so tough?

Because I deserve a lot better than what these negroids are tryna give me. Stop clogging up my damn pipes…make way for the King meant for this Queen…

 

“If she’s so fine then that’s where you should be…your eyes better not wander when you’re walking next to me…”-from “Eyes Better Not Wander” by Nicole Wray July 3, 2007

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”2Moro”-Lil Mo**

 

Part 1…Feeling like A.N.R….

 

I made a cardinal error people…yep…I made the mistake of thinking I was special. I had my first official Anika Noni Rose revelation/moment this weekend.

 

 See if you can feel me on this…this woman is a Tony Award winning actress…who in my opinion has a better voice than BeBe or J. Hudson.  She was probably extremely excited about participating in the DreamGirls project…excited to be a part of the cast…she probably loved the experience…and  for a split second…she probably thought she was special. And then…they started promoting the movie and it was billed at Bebe, Jen, & Friends.  And she was probably like damn…I guess I’m not.

 

 Yeah…that ish sucks….