I won’t complain…. May 17, 2008

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”Feeling Lonely”-Liv Warfield**

Part 1…Untitled…

I always wondered how someone could end up drinking an entire bottle of wine.

As I sip on my fourth glass of La Serra’s Moscato D’ Asti….on a quiet Friday night…I have excepted the fact that…things like this can only happen accidentally. Noone…starts with a glass intentionally seeking to finish the bottle, but there’s something comforting in the smooth..sweet nectar as it slides down your throat and fills your senses.

I have some nerve even being here.

Sue me…I’m in a writing mood and this is my blog of course. Filled with things I probably shouldn’t have said and things I’m glad I did.

My living room is the perfect writing temple . Dark…windows and sliding door open….candlelight tickling the walls. A glass of wine at my side. Liv Warfield singing to my soul.

I miss writing. I miss my blog. This blog. My old blog. I miss blogging. I miss freeing myself.

Time for another glass.

Seriously, if you’re ever in World Market…get a bottle…I don’t think there is anything as good as this stuff. I’m probably very tipsy right now and I’ll resign to the fact that I may even be a lil drunk….but I’m ok with that. No need for a designated driver…the only place I’m hoping to make it is up the stairs to my king size…and if not my chaise right over there will do me just fine.

** Now playing in my atmosphere…”No Idea”-Algebra Blessett*

This is real music yall. Music that lives.

“So I go on…with my foolish prrriiiiiide….walking away……though deep inside, I want to stay….”

If you’re new to my blog this name probably means nothing to you, but my old friends…should know him…at least fairly well.

I found Dreads on MySpace and while we’ve exchanged messages…he won’t accept my friend request so I canceled it. I actually don’t know what I thought would happen…you know when I found him. Our terms whether we were pretending to be something we weren’t or simply being friends…we always pretty good. I mean yeah it’s been like 2 years since either of us has picked up a phone, but I console the fact that maybe his life is so horrible without me in it that he doesn’t want me to see…how he lives now.

Actually that doesn’t console me.

That makes me sad.

How could someone that once said the words I love you. Not accept your friend request on MySpace.

I told him the truth…I miss us.

He told me the truth…he’s seeing someone.

I told him the truth…I just want to be friends

He didn’t accept my friend request.

Although every time I change my profile picture he comments….

5 years too late.

He’s not the one.

Although he did say I love you first.

I wasn’t in love with him. But I do love him. I probably always will. Dreads isn’t the one. Shit I’m not his one. This muthafucka didn’t accept my friend request.

I got a call today from this guy I’ve known since I’ve been in Atlanta. Ron always said that she thinks he had a crush on me. Maybe. I’ve always kinda dug him.

Folks we are one glass away from an empty bottle…stay tuned.

Maybe I’ll call him back.

I always like running into him…he remembers things I forgot I told him. I remember things he’s forgot that he’s said. We laugh…exchange friendly touches…and laugh some more.

Maybe I won’t call him back. I’ll see him next week and coyly say, “Hey I got your message, thanks for the invite…”

It’s cold outside in May…I’m not quite sure what that’s about. Gas is high and it’s cold in May…what next?

I gotta make sure I wear a shirt that emphasizes the CLEVE….”Hey…sorry I missed your call….you got my first drink?”

I’ve decided that if “One” does come along…I’m not ready.

It’s been like 9 months since I talked to “Number One” I have since convinced myself (although not successfully) that he was not “The One”. I’m still working out the kinks on the other things I haven’t quite gotten over like…what one thing could I have changed to make things different.

I have resolved that things happen the way they’re supposed to.

I threw deuces…he let me walk away…it wasn’t meant to be.

And I’m ok with that…now.

I wasn’t then.

But now I understand that loving him quietly was the way it was meant to happen and losing him quietly…well lets flip that losing me quietly was the way it was written. Probably the way it was going to be regardless.

He wasn’t “the one”

Well folks…my mission is complete…the bottle is empty.

I’ll be back…soon…