I won’t complain…. May 17, 2008

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”Feeling Lonely”-Liv Warfield**

Part 1…Untitled…

I always wondered how someone could end up drinking an entire bottle of wine.

As I sip on my fourth glass of La Serra’s Moscato D’ Asti….on a quiet Friday night…I have excepted the fact that…things like this can only happen accidentally. Noone…starts with a glass intentionally seeking to finish the bottle, but there’s something comforting in the smooth..sweet nectar as it slides down your throat and fills your senses.

I have some nerve even being here.

Sue me…I’m in a writing mood and this is my blog of course. Filled with things I probably shouldn’t have said and things I’m glad I did.

My living room is the perfect writing temple . Dark…windows and sliding door open….candlelight tickling the walls. A glass of wine at my side. Liv Warfield singing to my soul.

I miss writing. I miss my blog. This blog. My old blog. I miss blogging. I miss freeing myself.

Time for another glass.

Seriously, if you’re ever in World Market…get a bottle…I don’t think there is anything as good as this stuff. I’m probably very tipsy right now and I’ll resign to the fact that I may even be a lil drunk….but I’m ok with that. No need for a designated driver…the only place I’m hoping to make it is up the stairs to my king size…and if not my chaise right over there will do me just fine.

** Now playing in my atmosphere…”No Idea”-Algebra Blessett*

This is real music yall. Music that lives.

“So I go on…with my foolish prrriiiiiide….walking away……though deep inside, I want to stay….”

If you’re new to my blog this name probably means nothing to you, but my old friends…should know him…at least fairly well.

I found Dreads on MySpace and while we’ve exchanged messages…he won’t accept my friend request so I canceled it. I actually don’t know what I thought would happen…you know when I found him. Our terms whether we were pretending to be something we weren’t or simply being friends…we always pretty good. I mean yeah it’s been like 2 years since either of us has picked up a phone, but I console the fact that maybe his life is so horrible without me in it that he doesn’t want me to see…how he lives now.

Actually that doesn’t console me.

That makes me sad.

How could someone that once said the words I love you. Not accept your friend request on MySpace.

I told him the truth…I miss us.

He told me the truth…he’s seeing someone.

I told him the truth…I just want to be friends

He didn’t accept my friend request.

Although every time I change my profile picture he comments….

5 years too late.

He’s not the one.

Although he did say I love you first.

I wasn’t in love with him. But I do love him. I probably always will. Dreads isn’t the one. Shit I’m not his one. This muthafucka didn’t accept my friend request.

I got a call today from this guy I’ve known since I’ve been in Atlanta. Ron always said that she thinks he had a crush on me. Maybe. I’ve always kinda dug him.

Folks we are one glass away from an empty bottle…stay tuned.

Maybe I’ll call him back.

I always like running into him…he remembers things I forgot I told him. I remember things he’s forgot that he’s said. We laugh…exchange friendly touches…and laugh some more.

Maybe I won’t call him back. I’ll see him next week and coyly say, “Hey I got your message, thanks for the invite…”

It’s cold outside in May…I’m not quite sure what that’s about. Gas is high and it’s cold in May…what next?

I gotta make sure I wear a shirt that emphasizes the CLEVE….”Hey…sorry I missed your call….you got my first drink?”

I’ve decided that if “One” does come along…I’m not ready.

It’s been like 9 months since I talked to “Number One” I have since convinced myself (although not successfully) that he was not “The One”. I’m still working out the kinks on the other things I haven’t quite gotten over like…what one thing could I have changed to make things different.

I have resolved that things happen the way they’re supposed to.

I threw deuces…he let me walk away…it wasn’t meant to be.

And I’m ok with that…now.

I wasn’t then.

But now I understand that loving him quietly was the way it was meant to happen and losing him quietly…well lets flip that losing me quietly was the way it was written. Probably the way it was going to be regardless.

He wasn’t “the one”

Well folks…my mission is complete…the bottle is empty.

I’ll be back…soon…

“I wish I wasn’t me…sometimes….”-from “Sometimes” by Bilal July 20, 2007

**Now playing in my atmosphere….”Beautiful Girls”-Sean Kingston**

 

Part 1…Me Me Me Me…

 

So Ms. Tee as tagged me and since I’ve been working a minimum of 10 hours a day this week…I’ve decided to give myself a minature mental break…lol…

Here are the ’structions….Instead of words, let’s do a scavenger hunt! You can find pictures, links, videos or music codes or graphics but NO WORDS to respond to the following questions…here we go…

 

What hairstyle do you wish you could have again?

 

What popular musical artist do you remind yourself of?

 

Which old school R&B song makes your heart warm?

 

Which childhood movie did you watch over and over again?

 

Which character on Girlfriends were you most like?

 

 

Which flavor icecream and toppings do you want on your icecream cone?

 

 

Which music video do you most like to dance to?

Which television character most resembles the man of your dreams?

 

Which bloggers would you like to see complete this scavenger hunt?

 

 

“Hell yea I’m a good catch…lol…But I’d at least like to have some control of whose arms I fall in to…”-SueZette, April 2, 2004 July 15, 2007

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”Nothing Like Your Touch”-Vikter Duplaix**

 

Part 1…Bras and Drawas…

I feel like boobookitty…pure d shit! Booo hoo hooo…I’m sick.  Needless to say my Saturday has been very quiet…not necessarily by choice. 

If you could see me now…you’d be looking at a borderline hot mess..a mushed multi-colored afro…linty black t-shirt hiding a cheetah colored bra and some white drawas…sitting on the portion of my couch not covered with clothing…semi-indian style….reading my old blog and mining for new music on iTunes.  Ok did I say borderline…lets try…certified hot mess.  My mother would be embarrassed to know that I just shared that with yall.

 

Ah well…speaking of my mother…she has decided that I get my reclusive…moody ways from her.  I guess I can live with that…I don’t look like her, but damnit…at least I can kinda sorta act like her…lol.  She laughed when I said that. 

 

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”Lonely, Lonely”-Feist**

 

So did I mention I’ve been roaming around my old blog.  I kinda miss her…we had some good times….I’m glad I didn’t delete her…so many memories in one place…man.  It’s interesting to see how I’ve changed…my thoughts….my feelings.  It’s also funny seeing the things that haven’t…check this snippet from February 2004 out….

Anyway…Sunday was special
I spent over 4 hours on the phone with a special person
And I’m like this…
Damn this isn’t the place to talk about it
The point is…
Dreads, Mr. Morning, The Latin Connection, and Drumline…they are all passing crazes
But the depth of feeling that I felt after that convo….
I’m like yo…
It just sent a shiver down my spine
I don’t think anyone realizes how serious it is
A 3 year old shiver that hibernates and wakes back up when I can bear to feel it
A shiver that hasn’t left me
May never leave me
This is kinda juvenile
I want to send him a yes, no, maybe so note and pre-check that shit
I would give him my heart on a platter
No questions asked
My one request is that he treats it with the same tenderness that he treats the world
He knows my name but not my intention
Or maybe he does
Oblivion is such a cloudy place to live in
Maybe I’ll regret posting this when I’m done
And I’ll come back and edit it
Take some out…leave some in
I’m too old for a crush
Childlike emotion
Reserved for a movie star
or Reggie Goodwin…the boy who said I’d been his girlfriend since the 3rd grade but didn’t have the courage to tell me until the 5th
I’d rather have him as friend that not to have him at all….HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY…EVERYDAY IS THE 14th

 

See what I’m saying…lol.  Same script…same cast…

This random entry is dedicated to quotes that I love from entries past…..won’t you join me on my journey down memory lane…

 

August 25, 2004:

“There is something magnificent about freedom.

Once you emancipate your mind from the shackles that others create for you

Creating your own memories…living your own dreams…

Just being

Can be such a beautiful thing

From this last year

I have learned so much about myself

So much about other people…” 

Also from August 25, 2004 :

“Anyway…

I don’t like rejection

In the same way I don’t like commitment

Soooooo

If he doesn’t like me…rejection

If we hit it off romantically…commitment

Do we see the double-edge sword swinging…”

 

September 4, 2004:

“I’m a poetress….

Yep…

A sista that fornicates with words in order to birth ideas…knowledge…and maybe even life”

November 26, 2003:

“I’ve had a song in my head for awhile today…

I always have music in my head

Music brings me peace

When the rest of the world is loud and chaotic

I put on some music to soothe my soul…”

 

I’ll have to do this again real soon….

“How can I lose…the love I never had…”-from “The Love I Never Had” by Mary J. Blige June 8, 2007

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”When You Love Somebody”-Leela James**

Part 1…In Search of Steadman…

Taking a nap at 9 p.m. may not have been the wisest decision I ever made, but ah well….tis better to have gotten a little bit of sleep than to not have gotten any at all…a wonderful motto to live by if I do say so myself.

 What if Oprah married Steadman?

Don’t ask me where the O marrying Steadman thing came from. 

 Well actually I’ll tell you. I was talking to a co-worker today about another great s-hero and it occured to me, some of the greatest black s-heros have never married… I mean never ever.

In Spring 2001, I had the honor of meeting the wonderful Dr. Dorothy I. Height. At the time she was 91 and talk about sharp….man.  I along with my NCNW chapter president was blessed to be a part of a small panel of women chosen to serve on a committee to revamp the leadership institute. We stayed at the George and Dr. Height’s personal driver served as our guide to the city.  I have to remember to ask Dee to make me a copy of the pictures we took.

Anyway, I was simply intrigued by the fact that the age of 91 Dr. Height not only lived by herself in her high rise, but by the fact that she never married and never had any kids. I guess somehow I’d devised the image in my head that she spent the majority of her life alone…well that was until my co-worker….a DC-er that knows a lot about her life informed me that she did have a male companion that passed away a few years ago.

Say what?

As soon as I heard that….my mind immediately slipped to O and Steadman.

I mean it’s obvious…they have no plans of getting married…if they haven’t already done so secretly (and I doubt they have since the ‘razzi would have been all over that like white on rice).

 

**Now playing in my atmosphere…”My Joy”-Leela James**

 

Hmmm…I guess at this point…does it even make sense for them to get married.  Like what would they gain? O owns the world…or what seems like it.  I wonder what being with such a powerful woman does to the male ego?  Forreal though…there isn’t much that she can’t do for herself. 

In a lot of circles just saying her name is like saying, “Mufasa!”…people just shiver and say…”I love her…sooo sooo soo much.”

No ring…no kids…one of the most respected and powerful women in the world.

This idea of a life partner is interesting…forreal. I mean I want kids, so being without is not an option. Having a Steadman would be interesting though. Like…how do you even convince a man to become your Steadman.

 Wait….I guess being a billionaire might be some leverage.

Maybe I’ll put an ad on Craigslist…

“20-something year-old sista, destined for greatness…now recruiting her Steadman.” I wonder what kind of responses I’d get….

 

Part 2…Zette on the Net…

First I’d like to say greetings to all of my new readers!!! Hey!!! Welcome to my life.

If you haven’t heard…I was chosen to be fly girl of the week!!!!!  I’m excited and honored.  Check me out at…

http://flygirls.typepad.com/fly/2007/06/fly_girl_of_the.html

Also check out my latest article at BlackAmericaWeb.Com.  in honor of Black Music Month!!! Make sure you scroll to the end to see all of the female groups of the 1990s that I celebrated!!

http://www.blackamericaweb.com/site.aspx/entertainment/blackmusicmonth/soundsofsisterhood

P.S.  I’m slowly working on my blogroll, so please don’t take it personally if I haven’t added you yet…baby steps yalll..lol